Seeking Approval

Emerging Whole

Finding love because of who you are.

A client spoke about her friends and family and wanting to please them. I have known this client for many years and consider her a dear friend with a generous heart. I told her, “You love your friends because of who you are, not because of who they are. So why is it you expect your friends to love you because of who you are, not who they are?”

It’s a bit of a deep pool, but if we dive into that thought and swim around in it awhile, it begins to feel comfortable. I think sometimes we are caught up in our own thoughts and judgements and don’t give others the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe if I can’t make it to an event with a friend and cancel days before, they will react poorly. That is their reaction, their choice, their process. We all have our stuff, our garbage that needs to be cleared out, and we each choose when and how we deal with that garbage.

We each choose when we are ready to care for our friends and family because of who we are. And that’s one of the most powerful choices we can make. Another is allowing people to care for us because of who they are, not what we do for them.

We can no longer take anything personally. We must nourish ourselves and, from a place of wholeness, nourish those around us. If someone isn’t ready to care for another because that other doesn’t do what they want, that someone is not ready to nourish themselves, to relate to others from a healthy and whole place.

We all need help in life, and it’s important to both ask for and receive that help, but if we are making unnecessary demands on others, it is time to find happiness in ourselves rather than expecting others to provide it.

Setting compassionate and honest boundaries shows your friends you indeed love them because of who you are and you honour their ability to do the same.

Whole, healthy relationships happen because ultimately we seek nothing from the other yet find everything together.

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